First Steps to Healing Trauma

Preparing to heal

When I think about the trauma healing process, I think more in terms of mindset than mechanics. Mapping out a plan consisting of diagnostics, types of therapy and frequency of sessions are all part of the process, of course. But this is only a piece of a larger framework. The essential first steps toward healing trauma consist of mental and emotional preparedness. This can include being open to vulnerability, facing difficult emotions, and confronting what you have been avoiding, among many other factors.

Based on my personal experience, I have come to understand that successful healing requires a willingness to adapt to new belief systems, thought processes, and perceptions. Essentially, it necessitates a re-learning of all you have been conditioned to believe about yourself, others and the world around you. It can be daunting to open yourself up in this way, which likely causes many to shy away from the process. There is also inherent difficulty in reframing the way you interpret and respond to stimuli in your surroundings, particularly when it’s contradictory to all you’ve ever known (even when ‘contradictory’ means ‘better’).

That being said, as your healing journey evolves, this transformational shift in the way you experience your environment will begin to reveal its benefits. You will begin to let go of the negative beliefs you’ve long held about yourself that have influenced your decisions and actions. Instead of trying to run away from damaging thoughts and behaviors, you begin running toward all that you aspire to be. And in doing so, the old beliefs naturally begin to crumble, replaced by a greater sense of self-awareness and strength.

Start by setting goals

Once you have to determined that you are ready to move forward with the healing process, take some time to pinpoint some basic objectives you hope to accomplish. Setting realistic, achievable goals, and writing them down for future reference, is a great way to stay on track. This will also allow you to monitor your progress.

I want to emphasize the part about being realistic when setting goals. To declare that, “I will be done healing in six months, I will never think about my trauma, and I will never engage in negative coping behaviors again,” is setting yourself up for failure. The reality is that no part of that statement is likely to come to fruition. The objectives are too broad and finite. Additionally, “never” statements set an expectation for perfect outcomes, which is not a reasonable or responsible way to approach the healing process.

Managing expectations is key when setting trauma healing goals. Consider these guidelines as you think about what you hope to accomplish:

Do not impose timelines on yourself. Healing from trauma is likely to be an ongoing process with no definitive end point.
Do not aim for perfection. You may default to old behavioral and thought patterns on occasion, and that is okay. It doesn’t mean you have permanently derailed your healing process. Setbacks are a part of the journey.
Your trauma will always be part of your story. You can’t erase it, and you will still think about it from time to time. But once you have learned to reframe your thoughts surrounding the trauma, you will be able to think of it without being consumed by the emotion that was once attached to it.
Start small with your goals. For example, you could begin by dedicating 15 minutes each day to self care such as meditation, taking a walk outside, or journaling. The further you progress in the healing process, the more prepared you’ll be to tackle the bigger challenges.

Identify your desired outcomes

Consider what constitutes a successful outcome for you. Goals and outcomes differ in that goals are the progressive stepping stones that ultimately become an overarching outcome. Here are some prompts to help you solidify your preferred outcomes:

What needs to change to ensure that your trauma does not influence every decision you make?
What will allow you to manage your emotions in a healthy way?
How will your attitudes and self-image change?
Will you view your current relationships differently?
What will you look for in new relationships?
In what ways will you be better equipped to manage emotionally challenging situations?
What will be the key indicator that your trauma no longer controls you?

As you compile your list of ideal outcomes, be mindful that the following facts are applicable to every trauma survivor’s healing journey:

Neither the journey nor the outcome are absolute
The process is imperfect
You will have periods of regression
Healing does not mean blocking out, ignoring or forgetting about your trauma
Retaliation or carrying unresolved anger will inhibit healthy healing

Striding toward a new you

Finding the appropriate professional to help guide you through healing and achieving your goals is critical to success. However, the willingness to confront your trauma, the desire to heal and an understanding of the tremendous effort involved in reworking pre-wired mindsets are the essential first steps toward healing your trauma successfully.

I am several years into my healing journey and have made considerable progress. I am also aware that I still have a lot of work to do, and have accepted that healing is ongoing. It is unrealistic to expect that my trauma will ever be so far in the rear-view mirror that it won’t have any impact on me.

I can confess that some unhealthy coping strategies and thought patterns still persist. For instance, I still find it difficult to incorporate self-care into my daily routine. I still struggle with fears around confrontation and asking for what I need. And I still have to combat negative self talk, though it is less prevalent than it used to be.

But in terms of progress, I am learning to take the energy I was applying to negative patterns of behavior and channel it into healthier ways of handling challenging situations. I often find that I am overcome by a distinct feeling of peace which was unfathomable not so long ago. It fills me with hope and emotional strength. And when it washes over me, I make a point to stop and revel in it, connect with it, and honor my progress.

Now it’s your turn to take the first step. Ready?