Talking About Your Trauma Will Help You Heal.

Keeping the hard stuff on lockdown.

If you experienced childhood trauma, it’s highly likely that there was a lengthy period of time, probably many years, that your truth remained a well kept secret. Maybe you still keep it under lock and key. There are a variety of reasons we might choose to go this route. It may not even be a conscious choice. We may subconsciously live in a safe oblivion where we can’t be harmed by trauma that has no assigned identity. It remains nameless and unacknowledged in order for us to function effectively. This can be effective for a while.

I primarily managed my trauma over the years by implementing a combination of subconscious suppression and denial. Some facets stayed buried deep, far from my consciousness, while other aspects I accepted as “normal”, not fully recognizing their depth and impact until much later. When we don’t accept or acknowledge our trauma, we have no context for our complex feelings and behaviors and ultimately resign ourselves to believing that there is something wrong with us. This is a lonely and isolating place to exist.

Regardless of the ways we cope with and invalidate our trauma, the negative effects are cumulative. Over time, the power behind the trauma and its repercussions intensify, superseding our ability to suppress and avoid. 

When this happens, how do we take control of our circumstances before they swallow us whole? It starts with giving your trauma a voice. Let it be known. Talk about it.

Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Let’s face it: talking about trauma is uncomfortable for all parties involved. The survivor risks rejection, disbelief, or retaliation for speaking their truth. They often harbor guilt, shame and humiliation about their role in the abuse, and also can be limited by their inability to put words to situations they have numbed themselves to. Additionally, digging up and reliving buried memories can be incredibly painful.

As a listener, receiving information about someone else’s trauma may be overwhelming and difficult to relate to. Listeners may find themselves at a loss as to how to respond. They may not be educated on the topic or might lack insight into the impact of trauma. There could be a reluctance to ask questions that seem too personal or involve difficult subject matter.

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It’s easy to see why conversations about trauma are either avoided or abandoned.  

So why talk about trauma at all?

Key reasons for talking about trauma.

1. First and foremost, healing is only accomplished by acknowledging and talking about our trauma.The longer we internalize our stories, the more damaging our mental and physical trauma responses become and the more difficult they are to manage. We must speak our truth in order to heal.

2. Ignoring our trauma or not speaking about it will NOT make the trauma or it’s impact disappear. Instead, the effects of trauma increase over time if it remains unaddressed.

3. Speaking about our trauma helps us to make sense of the situation, the impact it has on us and how our beliefs and behaviors are influenced by the circumstances. This is key in discovering the difference between behaviors that are trauma related vs. the traits that are representative of our authentic selves.

4. When we speak about our trauma, we take back the power it has over us. We can gradually take control of our circumstances instead of letting trauma dictate our realities.

5. We can finally acknowledge that we are not defined by our trauma. It is not who we are. Developing our self-awareness outside of our trauma lays the groundwork for making new, healthy memories and living an authentic life.

Living fully in spite of trauma.

Opening up about our trauma experiences allows us to accept the support we need and give that support to others. By being vulnerable and open, we build community and connection. We build safety.

Connecting with those who can relate to our experiences reminds us we are not alone. We can work our way through the healing process with encouragement and support from those who not only see and understand us, but are working to achieve the same objectives.

The best thing you can do for yourself to begin healing from your trauma is to talk about it. Find someone you trust and start the process. It’s never too soon to make yourself a priority. 

Resources for further reading: How To Talk About Trauma and Support the Person Disclosing It